Cold Feet

My first day at MTV Networks is January 11, 2010. Yes, I have gotten cold feet. Moving across the country to a big city I’ve never been before with barely any money in my pockets for an UNpaid internship with no guarantee of securing a job is a bit scary. But it’s also an adventure.

I keep wondering if I’m making the right decision.

I’m not doing this in hopes to someday work at MTV (though it would be nice), I’m doing it for the experience. Living in Washington for basically my entire life only exposes me to so much- the world is a huge amazing place and there is still so much out there for me to see. I feel like I’ve already seen and done everything there is to do in Seattle. I’m bored with this place and need to get out. Maybe I’ll love it in the big city, maybe I’ll hate it… at least I can say I’ve “been there and done that.” Maybe I’ll come back a changed person with different ideas and opinions- maybe I’ll come back the same old Jessica. All I know is that this is the time to grow. I’ve got to keep positive and motivated!

There’s Gotta Be More to Life

I could picture it perfectly:

Getting married. Having two kids, a dog. Living in a cute 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a small, yet manicured yard. Driving a minivan or SUV. Going to my 9-5, day in and day out… watching the clock everyday, wishing time would go by faster. I could do that. I could be happy. I could settle.

But, I’d always want more. I’d always dream of more, hope for me, long for more…

That is why I need to go to New York, why I must do this internship. I have to see what else is out there. I can’t let the fear of the unknown stop me from achieving my goals and dreams. Even if I go there and end up hating New York, hating MTV, hating the entertainment industry… at least I’ll know. I’ll never have to wonder what it “could have” been. The thought of passing up this opportunity and regretting it later is scarier to me than moving 3,000 miles away to a big city alone.

If I only have this life to live, I’m going to make my mark on this world. =)